Bust Type
Myth Busting Can Help Save Marriage
Discarding Romantic Notions Can Help Save Marriage
{It {sometimes|occasionally} seems like the institution of marriage is no longer relevant {in the|within the} modern western world. Over the last few decades it’s become increasingly socially acceptable for couples to live together without any formal commitment and for married couples to divorce. {People|Individuals} still do {choose|select} to marry, but not necessarily ’till death do us part’. {Perhaps|Possibly} we can help save marriage by having more realistic expectations, both {before|prior to} and {after|following} we tie the knot.~Why is it that the rate of divorce has been increasing over {several|a number of} decades? Our grandparent’s generation tended to marry for {life|existence}, and they somehow managed to make it work. {Perhaps|Possibly} {this is|this really is} {because|simply because} they had {different|various} expectations. {Maybe|Perhaps} we can help save marriage by taking a more practical and {less|much less} romantic approach.~Reality is {different|various} than the world as portrayed in fairy tales and chick flicks. Every blushing bride and nervous groom (gold-diggers excepted) thinks they’ve {found|discovered} their one true love and genuinely believes their marriage will last. Yet these days up to half of all marriages end in divorce. {Maybe|Perhaps} we can help save marriage by giving up some romantic notions and {being|becoming} a little more down-to-earth.}
{{Don’t|Do not} expect your {spouse|partner} to save you from all your {problems|difficulties}. {This is|This really is} the stuff of fairy tales. In {real|actual} {life|existence} couples struggle daily with issues like balancing {life|existence} and work, handling {less|much less} than perfect kids and paying the bills. {There are|You will find} {going|heading} {to be|to become} tough times and disappointments {that you|which you} both will have to face together.~Myth: My partner and I will live happily ever {after|following}. You won’t, even if you win the lottery. Unfortunate {things|points} happen that we {simply|merely} {don’t|do not} have control over. Your partner won’t {be able|have the ability} to save you from major disasters anymore than {they will|they’ll} {be able|have the ability} to save you from minor everyday {problems|difficulties} and frustrations. There {will be|will probably be} difficulties {you will|you’ll} have to handle as a team.~Romantic Fiction: We will live happily ever {after|following}. {Real|Actual} {life|existence} continually throws up {problems|difficulties} for married couples. Your {spouse|partner}, no matter how well intentioned, will not {be able|have the ability} to wave a magic wand and make everything {better|much better}. {You will|You’ll} have to take joint responsibility in dealing with difficulties.}
{{Don’t|Do not} {think|believe} {that you|which you} can {change|alter} your partner or that your partner will {change|alter} to please you. People’s personalities are formed in childhood. No one {can be|could be} on their {best|finest} behavior in their own {home|house} 24 hours a day. {There are|You will find} {certain|particular} {things|points} we have to {learn|understand} to tolerate.~Myth: I can {change|alter} my {spouse|partner}. Your partner had many years to form personality traits {before|prior to} they met you. They {may|might} have habits that get on your nerves, but you wouldn’t have married them if they didn’t also have qualities you admire. You have to {learn|understand} to live with the whole package.~Romantic Fiction: My partner will {change|alter} {after|following} the wedding. People’s basic personalities {don’t|do not} {change|alter} unless they suffer brain damage. The {person|individual} you fell in love with (idiosyncrasies, irritating habits and all) {is the|may be the} {person|individual} {you’re|you are} {going|heading} to have to {learn|understand} to live with.}
{{Don’t|Do not} confuse {being|becoming} in love with loving someone. The intense and crazy romantic infatuation and sexual desire we {feel|really feel} for someone when we {first|very first} fall in love {doesn’t|does not} last forever. If it did, we’d {never|in no way} {be able|have the ability} to focus on {anything|something} else. Married love evolves into a caring, trusting, intimacy and feeling of togetherness.~Myth: We {will be|will probably be} in love forever. If by {being|becoming} ‘in love’ you {mean|imply} you {will be|will probably be} passionately addicted to each other {to the|towards the} point where you {can’t|cannot} focus on {anything|something} else in {life|existence}, {you are|you’re} {probably|most likely} in for a disappointment. In marriage, the infatuation of romance eventually wears off. {It is|It’s} replaced by a more mature {kind of|type of} love: a constant, compassionate devotion to each other.~Romantic Fiction: We will {always|usually} be madly in love with each other. {Being|Becoming} ‘in love’ is an all-consuming state of intense infatuation and sexual desire that naturally wears off over time. {It is|It’s} eventually replaced by a more stable trusting, caring {kind of|type of} love that still {allows|enables} for moments of passion.}
{{Don’t|Do not} expect your partner to {always|usually} {understand|realize} you or {be able|have the ability} to see {things|points} from your point of view. No two {people|individuals} are exactly alike, and no one can {read|study} your mind. If you want your partner to know where {you’re|you are} coming from, you’ll have to patiently explain.~Myth: My partner and I totally {understand|realize} each other. No two {people|individuals} can ever see out of {the same|exactly the same} pair of eyes. We all have {different|various} inborn personalities {as well|too} as {different|various} experiences that give us a unique outlook on the world. You {can’t|cannot} expect your partner to intuitively know how you {feel|really feel} about something.~Romantic Fiction: My partner will intuitively {understand|realize} me. When we fall in love, we {often|frequently} {feel|really feel} as {though|although} we’ve met our soul-mate. It {may|might} even seem as {though|although} our mate can {read|study} our mind at times. But that {doesn’t|does not} {mean|imply} they’ll {always|usually} know what we {think|believe} about every issue that arises. We can only avoid misunderstandings by {making|producing} the effort to communicate our feelings.}
{{Don’t|Do not} assume that a {good|great} relationship is one without conflict. Unless one {spouse|partner} leaves all the {decision|choice} {making|producing} (finances, child-rearing, future plans) {to the|towards the} other, {there are|you will find} {going|heading} {to be|to become} disagreements. {Sometimes|Occasionally} a compromise is {better|much better} than either partner’s original choice.~Myth: We will {always|usually} agree on {important|essential} matters. Spouses tend to share general views on political or social issues. That {doesn’t|does not} {mean|imply} {they will|they’ll} have {the same|exactly the same} opinion about every {decision|choice} that has {to be|to become} made {in the|within the} course of {life|existence}. There’s nothing inherently wrong with disagreement as long as both partners are willing to meet halfway.~Romantic Fiction: We will {never|in no way} argue {because|simply because} we {think|believe} alike. You and your mate were {probably|most likely} attracted to each other {because|simply because} you share {a lot of|lots of} opinions on {things|points} that interest you both. But you {can’t|cannot} predict the joint decisions {that you|which you} are {going|heading} {to be|to become} faced with {in the|within the} future. Unless {you are|you’re} clones, {there are|you will find} {going|heading} {to be|to become} disagreements. {You will|You’ll} have to {learn|understand} to negotiate solutions you both can agree to.}
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